Bleh.

I'm tired. I'm burnt out. I decided that I stopped caring about a lot of things and a lot of people in the last year. That's ok though. I have too much going on in my own life to let anyone else matter. I have a lot to do before this baby comes out. Back to the drawing board I go.

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Snowflakes And Wishes Christmas

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Decisions, Decisions

Saturday night, the kids are getting ready for bed, and I'm watching Teen Mom and blogging. I have so much going on right now, and just need to take a minute to pray and let God lead the way. Not alot of people know that I am spiritual, but I am. Doesn't show alot, but I am.

The decision now stands on whether or not we will move to California. We'll find out soon enough and take it from there of course. I'm ready for change and I'm expecting again, so this will be a good thing to be with Tim. So many things goes into this move of course. Finding a new place, finding a school for Braeden, and preparing myself to stay home. I'm not much of the stay at home mom, and I owe that all to my mother. Sadly enough, that was one of the few lessons she taught me that I am glad about. Never to depend on anyone and if something needs to be done, do it yourself. We'll know for sure next week sometime if it is even is a possibility. If not, on to plan B. What is plan B? Good question, as soon as I have it all figured out, then I'll let you know.
Eh. To the drawing board I go.

September 26, 2010

Timmy got to come home for a week 2 weeks ago. We were able to take our family pictures finally, which we have never done in the 9 1/2 years we have been together. I will say they turned out amazing! I have a beautiful family and of course I'm proud of it! Jamie did amazing capturing each of the kids personalities.

Being a "single" mom is crazy. Life is crazy that's for sure. I'm blessed to have the strength that I do to get through all of it. I'm also blessed to have children who aren't super crazy and disobedient. I have to have the kids on a schedule so I can make it through the day, and if they aren't, it makes everything chaotic. I love my life and wouldn't change it for the world.

I had parent teacher conference Thursday for Braeden. My son is top 2 in the class. Advanced in all subjects and is starting to do 2nd grade work. He is being put in ELD as well, which is a class for advanced students. Now when the teacher first told me that I wanted to freak out on her, cause I always thought those were classes for kids who have a hard time doing any school work. LOL. Turns out it's a class for advanced students who spend an hour a day doing research on whatever topics the teacher gives them. He was pretty excited about it. The teacher asked him how he felt about his school work, if he thought it was too easy, or if it was hard, and his response to her was, "I need harder". Of course he does. I'm blessed to have amazingly intelligent children. The apple never falls too far from the tree. LOL. I'm a proud mommy that's for sure. He also told her that he is a good brother and he loves to read to his sisters and teach them. Obviously. Arianna knows all of her ABC's, letters, and can count to 30 and she's only 3. Kamari knows her ABC's and is learning the letters and can count to 20 and she's only 2. Thanks to Braeden, my girls may just be skipping through grades when they get older. LOL. He himself may just be skipping through at the rate he's going. Only the Lord will know though. I'm truly blessed to have amazing kids. They absolutely drive me nuts too, but they're kids.

I was able to road trip back to Cali with Tim. He took my Charger and left me the Durango. Dodge family? Yes of course. He wasn't kidding when he said he was in the middle of no where. I mean... literally in the middle of no where.... As in "movie, stuck in the wilderness and something waiting to kill you style"... His barracks look like a condemned hospital. White with dark orange trim. A little freaky, but they're are barracks. You can't really expect 5 star living conditions. It's literally 30-45 minute drive to the closest city's. I absolutely loved the wine country though. It felt so relaxing, and I wasn't stressed out, or freaking out about anything. Amazing what happens when you put yourself in a different environment. I was able to meet 2 of the soldiers he normally hangs out with and they are quite the characters I will say. I will say that the Army experience definitely brings you to meet new people all the time, all with different backgrounds and all with a life story of their own. We hung out at the bar on post and water the is disgusting, but it was fun. We drove up to San Jose on Saturday and was able to go to Santana Row. That place is awesome!!! We stayed at the Crowne Royal (beautiful) and walked downtown to the Asian festival and to the area that had the live band and patio seating dining. We were in the heart of the Art world there. I loved every minute with the hubby. I will say it was weird to wake up and not have a kid with me at any point in time in the 4 days I was gone. The break was well needed that's for sure. Anyway that was my time with spent with the hubby. =)

Now it's a week later and I'm sitting here with 5 cups of coffee in me, and trying to figure out a really cute way to collage my family pictures on a huge 24x36 frame and blogging of course. This is going to be fun. =)

This is the update for now.....

Out with Old... In with the New

It's been quite a while since I last updated this thing. All for the better of course. I have let go of all the people who didn't matter, kept the ones close that still do and continued on with my life with my little family of mine. It's amazing to know that people who should be your family, turn out to be just another person on the street who has an opinion of how your life should have been and say how much better they are than you are. Like I have always said my whole life, I don't live in a sheltered world where I have to lie to people and make them feel good. I say what I do because it's what I see and I have realized that honesty doesn't run too high with anyone anymore these days. This is my life path and not yours, so you just stick to worrying about your life and the direction it's headed, then judging me and being surprised that I have what I have. What happened to the true relationships where your family loved you for you? or Where your family takes your flaws and your qualities and accepts them and supports you because that's what family does? I love my life and what it all entails and anyone who has any negative, judgemental thing to say.. Well.... if you know me, you know what my response to you is. Out with the Old!



I would never trade my life for anyone elses. God has a plan for me and if my life were to be different, then it would be. I have four kids, and a hubby who is on Military Assignment in Cali for a year. You'd be amazed at how much I can handle. I work full time, am a full time mom and I manage to take care of us. If i'm not responding in anyway, well as you can tell, my hands are full. More updates coming soon.....

Funny Thing

"We may not have it all together, but together we have it all."

People have a misconception in my life of what "my" family should be. No one is perfect in this world and everyone should understand that, but to only point fingers and not take responsiblity for a relationship that didn't work, is a huge contradiction. I have tried. I have called. I have asked. After a while, I realized it was only one sided. I am not perfect and I have taken credit for all the messed up things I have done in my life, but what no understands is that I have to look out for MY family, MY kids. No one else. It's strange that people have a hard time grasping the reality of that. If anyone really grasped the reality of that, no one would have anything to say about me. No one would blame me. No one would talk shit and not have the decency to ask me about it. The best part of it all is when you have an outsider saying "you're family isn't going to be there for you in the end", or "that's why everyone stays away from YOU GUYS over there". The only thing I have to say to anyone who gets pregnant, and uses my sister and my nephew for his money to buy you things, You, my dear, are the last person in this world that should be judgemental, and YOU my dear, should be the last person talking about "growing up" and "being mature". When you learn how to NOT DEPEND on someone else, and where the next party is going to be, then maybe one day you will reach the level of the rest of the grown up, mature people in this world. Everyone has an opinion on what I say to people, or how I treat them. As I said in the beginning of this blog, I have tried and I was burned. Even after all the stupid bull shit comments of "I treat you like animals", or "I have no respect", or "Belle, I dont' care about you kids", or "You need to think of your sister and your brother over there", or "I always get put in the middle of everything and just want to be left alone".

I am sick of everyone actually convincing themselves that I am the only one to blame. Do whatever it is that you need to do.

The only family that has ever been there for me, is the family that has always been there for me and they will be the only ones there for me in the end.